| Whoa, love really does hurt. |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|09:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Who I am hates who I've been -Relient K | ] |
It's been a long time since I have posted on here, but I really need this more than ever.
Here are the facts:
I am a college graduate with no job. Not such a big deal, I'll find something.
I promised myself I would focus on practicing the drums. Need work there.
Here's the one that is actually a big deal:
Melissa is not talking to me because she is "shutting the door." Major ouch.
As far as b/f's go I was pretty good but when she asked me, "What are we gonna do next year?" I said, "see ya." (This was last May four days before graduation.) I wish I could go back and kick past me's ass. I would tell past me to really think about what you're (I'm) doing. And that is exactly what I didn't do, think about the repercussions of my actions. I just went with what I was feeling at that moment. Which was: "This chick really annoys me sometimes and I can't deal with it." If I had thought about it I would've realized that "This chick really annoys me sometimes but I am in love her." Why the hell didn't I think about what I was doing?
Well, since then we have spent some time apart after we were both thinking that we were done for good, but then at the end of the summer we reconnected. I went to visit her and after a great week she asked me again, "What are we gonna do this fall?" Again I was an idiot and didn't think about the repercussions and I said, "see ya." What the hell is wrong with me?
So, that was twice in the same year that I hurt her emotionally.
Then, in September I was just sitting at home being a lazy ass and she called me and asked me to be there for her at the rock-a-thon. I didn't even realize it, but this was a chance to prove to her that I was there for her. What did I do? Instead of spending time with her to keep her focused, I went off and drank with people that hadn't asked me to come support them both nights that I was there. Who I am hates who I've been, indeed.
Well, now it's been two months since I've moved down here to Huntsville and I've used this time to think about Melissa and me. Not just some fleeting thoughts about her and me, but some heavy thinking and praying about us. I've realized that I do love her with all my heart and that I want to spend my life with her. I sent her two letters informing her of this, but they were not received well. I finally saw her two weeks ago and she told me that she was done with me and her. That really cut me deep. The next day I let her know that I didn't think she really wanted to end it, she was just worried about getting hurt again. And that's what I continue to believe.
Last Sunday Melissa called me and told me that she was "shutting the door" and that because of that she doesn't want to talk to me. That hurt so bad, but I told her that I love her and I'm praying for her. Yesterday I sent her a message on facebook that said:
I know in my heart that I love you and that you love me. I believe that you do not want to see me because I have hurt you and you don't want to get hurt again. I do not think that you have moved on. I believe that with time our wounds will heal and that we will seek each other again.
And that brings us to now: Pain. I never knew what love was until now. I always really liked her, but now I know that I love her madly. How do I know? I know because I would give up everything I have for her.
I asked God to help me. It wasn't until I asked Him to guide me that I really saw that I've been a fool. So, lately I've just been praying for her to be happy. That is so hard to do. I love her so much, but if she's not happy with me then...
Whoa, love really does hurt.
All that's left to do is be hopeful. |
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| I have been away... |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|12:16 pm] |
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If your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to come after you with a spatula, either way. |
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| Why are dreams so effed up sometimes? |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|04:19 pm] |
I had a really weird dream the other night. It was probably the weirdest dream I have ever had.
Part 1: Sarah Stilwell was being a peeping tom. She kept trying to see my penis by looking over the top of a bathroom stall while I was peeing. She succeeded in seeing it 4 times.
1) Why was she in the boys bathroom in my dream?
AND
2) Why was she trying to check out my junk?
I DO NOT KNOW.
Anyway,
Part 2: The fifth time she looked over the stall and caught a glimpse I said, "That's the fifth time you've seen my penis!" Then, after looking at each other for about 5 seconds, we kissed.
1) Keep in mind that my hand was on my penis aiming for the toilet the entire time, and she was peering over the top of the bathroom stall and was probably standing on something in order to do so. I am not sure if I was still peeing when we kissed, but that would make it more weird.
Is it just me or does anyone else think that would be an awkward kiss; yes it was in a dream but still.
Ok...after that I woke up.
FYI: I think that is a really weird dream. I am not making this up either.
I wonder what Sarah will say about this? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2005|02:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
I am coming back to Martin.
I am excited.
Mark or Trey please call me.
615.512.9274 |
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| Can we say stress? |
[Jun. 10th, 2005|10:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
HOLY CRAP
I just had the most stressful week of my life. Yes, preparing for an audition is stressful. Especially a college audition at Belmont University. Not to mention that my sister is getting married next weekend so next week is gonna be stressful too. (I'm playing Canon in D on the guitar at the wedding.)
BTW....I think I did pretty good at the audition, but I'm not feeling too confident about getting in. We'll see in a couple weeks.
It's gonna be awesome when my sister's wedding is done and I can just go back to camp.
I'm not sure what I'm gonna be doing next fall and that's kinda scary, but kinda cool. The next few months hold many choices. |
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| Happy Birthday to me! |
[May. 24th, 2005|10:58 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | relaxed | ] |
Today is my 20th birthday. It's going to be good because I plan to just chill out until later when I go celebrate with some friends. Good stuff.
I'm getting my haircut tomorrow as well. That's going to be great because it is long overdue.
Have a good one. |
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| School's out for summer...... |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|05:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
I took my last exam this afternoon so I'm done for this year and with this school. Next year I'll hopefully be at Belmont. All I have left to do to get in is the audition. It's a really good feeling to know that I don't have a paper that I need to prepare for or anything like that. It's awesome. Now I just have to pack up all this crap and move it. That's gonna suck.
For those of you that commented on my last entry about my speech, I wanted to let you know that I got an 'A' on it. So, good job me.
That's it. I've really enjoyed being here at Martin, but it's time for me to move on. I'll miss everybody.
Future plans: After I graduate with some sort of music degree I definitely want to check out the Blue Man Group thing. That would be beyond cool. After that, I dunno. We'll see. |
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| Tattoos for Christians: A soon-to-be speech by Scott Solomon |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|01:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  determined | ] |
ok. So, I am currently doing research for a speech I'm gonna do next week. It's a controversial speech about whether or not tattoos are okay for christians. Here are both sides of the issue.
Against:
"Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put marks on yourselves. I am the Lord." -Leviticus 19:28
This verse is used when people are trying to say that tattoos are wrong for Christians. There are other newer versions of this verse that use 'tattoo' in place of 'marks' and it is the only place in the bible that mentions this issue. That verse is the backbone of the whole 'against' side. There are verses that say that the body is a temple and you should keep it holy and lots of other verses like that, but nothing else really comes close to saying that Christians should not get tattoos. Although some do think that tattoos are a sin, and I respect their opinion.
For:
I personally think that tattoos are not a sin. However, I think that if you get a tattoo it should mean something to you. I am planning on getting tattoos. I think that if you think that tattoos are a sin then you are crazy. Why? Because some use their tattoos as a witnessing tool, tattoo is a beautiful art, in my opinion, and to quote a guy named Pastor Mark off of earstohear.com, "the Bible says that it's not what goes into a man that defiles him (ink?), but what come out of his mouth, or heart." I like that little quote because it says that it doesn't matter if you are tattooed as long as you are pure of heart. That's what it's all about, knowing that your heart is of God.
Here is an article by a guy named Brandon Hill that I like.
( Can a Christian have a Tattoo? )
This is just a very short example of the kind of stuff I'm gonna use for my speech. This issue is very big with the Christian community and a lot more could be said, but this is the basic gist of what I have read.
So, please post your opinions, questions, or whatever on this issue. It would be very helpful to me. |
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| Down with homework |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|06:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
School sucks. Good thing there's only a few weeks left.
I'm ready to get out of here. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2005|07:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
FATBOTTOMED GIRLS YOU MAKE THE ROCKIN' WORLD GO 'ROUND! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2005|11:27 pm] |
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NEW USER PICS. (THEY WERE BADLY NEEDED.) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2005|02:41 pm] |
I broke up with Melissa last night. It was really weird because she talked more than I did.
Begin: Awkwardness |
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| So many choices..... |
[Mar. 21st, 2005|06:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | BMG is pounding in my head | ] |
....so hard to decide
I am currently trying to figure out what I am going to be doing next fall. One thing is for sure and that is that I definitely do not want to be here at Martin. Not because I don't like it, but because I want to play the drums more and take drum classes and such. There is no drum teacher here so there is really not much more Martin can offer me. I will definitely miss all the friends I have made here, so I'll come back to visit.
So, here are my options for next fall:
1) Audition for the School of Music at Belmont in June and go there next fall. (I can't get any scholarship money if I do that cuz I have waited too long to audition. Stupid me.)
2) I can take a year off and work at home and save money and go to Belmont in the fall of '06.
3) Audition to be part of the Blue Man Group in either Las Vegas, Chicago, Boston, New York, Toronto, or Berlin for a year and go to Belmont in the fall of '06.
I'm seriously considering number 3.
How awesome would that be to play the drums for the blue man group?
WAY F-N AWESOME!
So, I'm gonna talk to my parents about it and see what they think I should do. They are most likely gonna say I should stay in college and do something like that after I graduate.
I fell in love with New York when I was there a couple weeks ago and I wanna go live in a big city. That would be soooooooooo coooooooooooool.
What do you think I should do? |
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| I'm either gay or sensitive.... |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|06:26 pm] |
Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male |
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve |
I like romantic comedies. So what. |
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| Another day in the life |
[Feb. 22nd, 2005|01:53 pm] |
I really need to not sleep in class. I had a test today that I didn't know about because I always fall alseep in my British Lit class. It's not my fault that Dr. West is incredibly boring.
Tuesdays suck. |
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| SNL is getting less funny by the week |
[Feb. 19th, 2005|10:15 pm] |
I didn't do anything that I said I was going to do this weekend.
1.) I was suppose to get my haircut. I decided against that because I want to wait until it is long enough to donate to locks for love.
2.) I was suppose to audition for the school of music at Belmont. I didn't because I got an email from one of the professors saying that I have to play the marimba at my audition or the audition is incomplete and I cannot be considered for admittance to the school. So, I have to learn to play the marimba and audition later. It's kind of a good thing and kind of not. I wanted to get that over with, but this also gives me more time to get better prepared.
3.) I was suppose to go visit the Jones' in Clarksville. I really wanted to see Myke and his band, but they ended up not playing anyway. That sucks. I didn't go because I have no money for gas. I hate not having money.
I feel like I did nothing this weekend, which is true. ( This )
picture shows what I would like to do right now. For no real reason, just because. That's all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|01:47 pm] |
If you read this,
even if I don't speak to you often,
you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal to see what people remember about you |
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